Things I'm coveting... And so can you!

Howdy people! It's time for another installment of Things I'm Coveting!

I know you're thrilled... Okay, so after re-reading the previous "Thing's I'm Coveting" entry I decided that I sound like a selfish asshole. So I'm going to give kind of a caveat emptor of sorts before you read this so you can understand my logic behind posting these. This isn't like a wish-list...

Okay, so it is...

But it has duality...

Just hear me out:

My logic is a little something like this:

I definitely want these things, but they are really cool things that I genuinely think people should know about - for example, in the last installment of "Things I'm Coveting..." I had an album by a band called M83 (I know you all immediately jumped over to iTunes and bought it...) and granted, I wanted the physical album, but I already have the iTunes version and I put it on my list, because it's bad ass, not because I'm a completely shallow, covetous, ass. That being said...

Let's get this show on the road!

10. Havaianas Flip-Flops:

I have a pair of the "Top" Havaianas. They are reminiscent of those cheap rubber flip-flops we had as kids, except pretty much indestructible... The thong is made out of some sort of reinforced rubber. (Okay... I'm totally making that up... But seriously, these bitches are resilient).

I know, I know, those crappy ones we had as kids ripped apart faster than our Stretch Armstrong doll, but I would know about the reliability of these suckers: Whose ready for story-time!? Oh good! I see you have all raised your hands:

It was a rainy Thursday evening last summer and I was sprinting across the soaked Panera Bread Company parking lot in an effort to not get as wet (? - I don't know I saw on Mythbusters that if you run fast enough you get less wet...), anyway, I was running like an idiot, when my left foot twisted weird, stepped on my right flip-flop and I fell harder than when Chris Brown pushes Rihanna down the stairs. When I picked myself up I noticed my right flip-flop dangling in what appeared to be two pieces on the pavement. I ran over expecting death, but turns out, the thong only popped out of the main hold and was able to be reassembled with little effort (and by little I mean first try). I was stoked, and that's when I decided that Haviis are pretty freaking sweet.

Not to mention the different bad ass styles. You can get solid black, like myself, or you can get some with skulls, or a Superman logo. Your choice - and the best part? 18 bucks. Yep. You heard me... Economically friendly style.

9. Coolers from Built NY:

These things are pretty freaking cool. I got a Six Pack Tote in Ski Patrol Red as a gift at Christmas and was really excited, my family immediately became concerned as to why I would get that excited over a cooler - but it's so cool, all my friends want one, and The Girlfriend even went out purchased the Gourmet Getaway in Nolita Stripe.

These suckers are made of Neoprene, are collapsable, and machine washable - Three very important qualities for the average college student. It has lovingly become known as the Six Pack Coozie because it'll keep my beverage of choice cold for around 4 hours, and fits cans and bottles (I've gotten twelve cans to fit before). Another great feature? All of them are between around 15-25 bucks...

8. Flying Dog Brews:

Their motto is, "Good People Drink Good Beer." Well, I guess I'm officially good people. I have the feeling a lot of people would argue for the contrary, but hey, SCREW YOU. If you haven't tried this stuff yet, you really should. My favorites are the Doggie Style Classic Pale Ale, and Tire Bite Golden Ale, but that's because I am a big fan of White Wheats...
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I think Winn-Dixie sells it for like $10.99 a six-pack, but they're kind of a rip off. I'm sure you could find it cheaper at Target, especially if you're in a bigger city than Tuscaloosa. Anyway, I'm really stoked to try their summer ale, and unfortunately since I live in this damned state I can't order it online... I continually find myself lamenting over interstate commerce laws...

7. Inflatable Beer Pong Table:

The one I know of is PortOPong, who, as it turns out, claims to be "the #1 best-selling inflatable, floating, beer pong table." These things are hilariously fun. I got to see one in action out at the pool a couple of weekends ago and immediately decided I need one for the summer.

You can't really bounce the ball all too accurately, but who bounces anyway? (K-Wood... I'm lookin' your way...) It looks like a shit-ton of fun and I want one right now - for my purposes I was thinking some lake action would be only appropriate.

6. Check Patterned Sport Shirts:

I have seen these around more and more, and luckily for me I look damn good in check patterns, so my investment in them is not in vain... Everybody has got one out right now and I should probably go out and get a couple more in some colors other than blue...

From Left: J-Crew Secret Wash button-down shirt in Medium Gingham, Vineyard Vines Gingham Murray Shirt, J-Crew Secret Wash Graphic Check Shirt

5. Oops Wine: "Some Mistakes Were Meant to Happen"

The Girlfriend grabbed a bottle of this from Target for a recent trip to Tybee Island - and it is AMAZING.

We got a bottle of the Chardonnay and it's not too dry and has really nice, subtle, "hints of peach, pineapple, and banana" (got that from the website; I noticed it had a fruit tinge to it, but God help me if I had to pinpoint which ones). I'm excited to try some of their other wines, like the Sauvignon Blanc or the Carmenere Merlot. Go grab a bottle, it's worth your $12, I promise.

4. The New Dave Matthews Band Album: Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King

I am so excited about this new album from one of my all time favorite bands. I doubt it will be able to top Under The Table & Dreaming or Crash, but I have hopes that it will outdo Everyday, and in turn, most of their more recent albums. The first release off of the CD entitled, "Funny The Way It Is." Has quickly become one of my favorite songs. The album officially comes out on June 2, but you can preorder it now on iTunes for $9.99 - it's going to wait to charge your card until June 2, so beware if you do decide to purchase the album now.

3. Check-Patterned Ties: I know... I just had check-patterned shirts on here:

Please don't wear both at the same time. You'll look like an imbecile. However, I've noticed that these are also hot shit right now and the other day when I was looking for a tie to wear, I noticed that I didn't have any check-patterned ties... Apparently, these are the new Rep Tie. Much like the check-patterned shirts, everyone has one out right now in every color imaginable.

My favorite is this one from J-Crew, it's their nautical gingham tie. I don't have anything remotely that color, and it seems like it would go well with most any color shirt, except maybe pastels.

2. John Varvatos - Artisan Cologne:

This stuff smells AWESOME. I think I have found my new cologne... I found it a couple of weeks ago sifting through the pages of GQ (Stop judging me...) and there was an add for it, and since I rip every add for cologne open, this was just another victim, but unlike most colognes (Cough, Giorgio Armani, Cough Cough) this one didn't make me think of creepy salesman or middle-aged attorneys (... Not you Dad...). I liked it so much that I rubbed the page on my wrists like a total redneck before I went out that night.

1. Ray-Ban Wayfarers:

Let it be known that I better get some of these for my birthday or I'm gunna lose my shit. I don't know what color I'll get, but I'm thinking tortoiseshell... These bad Johnnys have made a serious comeback in the past year or so.

I love that they have them in like 37 different colors. There is no way you can't find a pair that wouldn't suit you. I honestly think these are going to become a new staple like they were back in the fifties and sixties. After researching prices I've found that they range anywhere from 109.95 to about 159.95 for some of the crazier colors.

I have some fake, crappy ones I bought from American Eagle not too long ago for like 15 bucks, but they don't fit my face as well as the classic Wayfarers do (Shocker!).

I'm really stoked to get some real ones in the not too distant future (Ahem, parents take note...). They also have polarized versions that break the bank at around $200, but after having polarized sunglasses for years (until I lost them... Damn it...) I know how great of eye protection the polarization is.

So there you have it, another thrilling, [hopefully] entertaining, [maybe] informative, and [probably not] enlightening, segment of Things I'm Coveting... And So Can You!

Until next time...

As far as regular updates go, I have no idea when the next one will be, so don't hold your breath...

Tea is not my friend...

... Perhaps more specifically Tannins, but more on that later.

--- WARNING ---

IF YOU ARE EASILY NAUSEATED

- OR -

HAVE A SENSITIVE STOMACH

DO NOT READ THIS ENTRY

That having been said... The unfortunate part of this story is that hardly any details are negligible so you have to read the whole thing. I'll start from the beginning: I had to wake up this morning at 7:30 AM for my CS340 exam, and upon returning home I felt pretty exhausted.

I called The Cousin to get coffee because I figured some caffeine couldn't hurt my cause. Losing consciousness and falling face first on my desk during my Marketing exam that evening wouldn't be very conducive to my grade. We decided to meet at noon at Strip Teas & Coffee (Not a code name...). As I was leaving my apartment The Cousin calls me and asks if I have jumper cables, I do. His car is not starting, but fortunately it's sitting in the parking lot that's only half a block from the coffee shop.

I pull into the parking lot to see him rifling around under his hood. I pull up as close as I can because my jumper cables are shitty and short. We try to jump off his car to no avail and decide that AAA is much better equipped to handle this kind of thing than two twenty-somethings from Mountain Brook. The AAA people inform us that we're going to be waiting a while, which is no big, because we can just burn the interim at the coffee shop. The Cousin is slightly pissed at the situation (okay, really pissed) and I told him my story about the Lexus debacle last week and he agrees in my suspicion that our family must, in fact, be cursed. I blame our grandfather, The Cousin agrees. He probably cussed out a VooDoo Priestess in New Orleans some time in the '40s or something.

So in my infinite and Adderall-addled wisdom, I decide that tea is better idea than coffee. I order an Herbal Green Mint Tea, and The Cousin gets some sort of tea, too. We hang out talking about how dysfunctional the family is, and how much school administrations suck for about 45 minutes. I drank about three quarters of my tea, and decide I'm done with it. We walk back to the parking lot to meet the AAA guy. I'm alert, absorbing some sun, rocking my white linen shorts, and having a pretty good day. Griffin's condition: Good.

The AAA guy takes another 15 minutes to find his way to the parking lot, jumps off The Cousin's car, informs us that his battery is about as functional as Barbara Walter's baby-maker (my words, not his), and suggests we go to Advanced Auto Parts. I decide to follow The Cousin on the three mile trek to make sure that if his car dies, he's not stranded.

Griffin's condition: Good.

The Cousin starts to take a strange way to the auto parts place, but no matter, it takes forever to get anywhere in Tuscaloosa, and plus, this is guilt-free procrastination.

Corner of 12th and 12th: I start to feel my stomach knot for some reason. I stupidly assume it has to do with my nerves over the two exams and the fact that my time window to study for exam number two is beginning to dissipate. Griffin's condition: Fair.

Corner of 12th and Hackberry: I start to get a little burpy for some reason, still don't question it, race over train tracks so I don't get caught waiting on a freight train. In classic Ragsdale style, I have too many other things to focus on than my own health. Griffin's Condition: Fair, but deteriorating.

Cruising down 15th Street toward MacFarland: My condition starts to deteriorate rapidly. I feel like I took two horse steroids, a Klonopin, and a doxycycline, all on an empty stomach, simultaneously. I am severely nauseous, light-headed, breathing rapidly, and sweating. It's a good look. I am now on the phone with The Girlfriend on an unrelated matter. At this point she has no idea I feel the slightest bit ill. Griffin's Condition: Serious.

Turning Right onto MacFarland: The burping has increased, my head feels like it's going to explode. I begin to fear the loss of motor-skills, which would still make me a better driver than most TCRs. Griffin's Condition: Critical.

Crossing Midtown Village Blvd: I'm still on the phone with The Girlfriend, I have no idea

what she was talking about, her words sound like German to me, I can't focus, and all I can do is think to myself, "This must be what it's like to have Ebola..."

When, all at once, it hits me, HARD. I'm gunna vomit, and not, "Oh! I burped up a little chunk of carrot!" vomit. I mean full blown, projectile, 800 PSI, cartoon character - eyes bulging out of your head, yelling - vomit. Griffin's Condition: Extremely Critical.

Stomach convulsion one: swallow,

Stomach convulsion two: swallow,

Stomach Convulsion three: swa-BLEERRRUUUGGGHHHH...

The Girlfriend: "Umm..."

Me: "Oh. My. God. Oh my God! I just puked all over myself!"

TG: "You what!? Oh my God! Are you okay?"

Me: "Oh my God, it's everywhere, Oh my God, I... I didn't... I wasn't even... What the fuck!?"

TG: "Baby?"

Me: "Ugh.. Oh my God... Will you... Will you just... Can you please just meet me at my place? I need your help... I don't even know what to do... I... I gotta go..." click.

I remember that I'm supposed to be following The Cousin to the auto parts place so, while still recovering emotionally from the embarrassment of having wretched on myself I call him.

The Cousin: "Hey Bud, why'd you turn off at Chick-Fil-A..."

Me: "I... I just puked on myself?"

TC : "What?"

Me: "I think I drank my tea too fast or something... Or I have Swine Flu... I don't know... I'll be sure to let you know if it's the latter." click.

I look down and notice that my white linen shorts are now a lovely color of Goldenrod... With... What the Hell... What is on my shorts? Is that? Is that mucus!? GOD ALMIGHTY! This is completely disgusting!

Griffin's Physical Condition: Fair

Griffin's Emotional Condition: Extremely Critical

I get back to the Mont, race upstairs, strip in the Laundry Room, grab some clean boxers and the Macbook, take refuge in the bathroom in front of the toilet (in anticipation of a second wave), and immediately start researching the symptoms of Swine Flu. They don't seem to match, but those Hispanic guys that came into the office and applied to be grounds keepers were looking pretty rough... I have been avoiding all Hispanics like the Bubonic Plague since. The Girlfriend arrives, we reach the conclusion that I do not have Swine Flu, and that I am also a racist ass.

While I am cleaning my own bile and olfactory discharge off of myself in the shower, The Girlfriend is a Saint and makes us some soup. I am not hungry though. She tells me I have to eat it so we can see if I'm going to vomit again. I eat it and feel fine, just a little twitchy, but in retrospect I think that was the Adderall.

The Girlfriend leaves to go study for some Grad class that I can't possibly comprehend, and I am left to study for Marketing. I am now an hour and a half off schedule, and beginning to panic. So instead of studying I call the HuffyHouseWife and begin to recollect my story. I get to the part about feeling nauseous from the tea when she interrupts with, "Ooooh... That sucks... You have that too?"

Me: "Have what? What are you talking about?"

HHF: "You said you drank tea and started feeling sick as a dog right?"

Me: "Yes..."

HHF: "It made you feel like you had taken heavy duty meds on an empty stomach?"

Me: "YES! How did you know!?"

HHF: "Happens to me too... And your Aunt... I'm pretty sure we're allergic to the tannins or something. I don't know - I just don't drink tea anymore. You really shouldn't drink tea."

Me: "What the Hell!? Why am I just now finding out about this genetic anomaly?"

HHF: "... I don't know... I thought you knew. How was I supposed to know you had it?"

So in reference to the first line of this entry: I am apparently allergic to the tannins in some teas. My body rejects that shit faster than Paramount rejects a new Mariah Carey movie. So you say to yourself: "Griffin, what are tannins?"

Well students, I did my research and turns out, tannins are the chemicals that give tea its color. Not suprisingly, they are the reason your mouth is dry after consuming tea. When this happens it is time to stop drinking tea, because you are starting to experience toxic effects (Neat! That's only happened to me, oh 7890 times. Perfect. I'm gunna die of tannin induced mouth cancer). Tannins also block the absorption of some minerals, like iron (Watch out ladies). Symptoms of extreme tannin toxicity are ataxia and shortness of breath. Please refer to the section above regarding me at the intersection of 15th Street and MacFarland.

In summary, I no longer drink tea, my white linen shorts are asking for a therapist, and I don't have the Swine Flu.

Car debacle update!

Monday:

Comandeered The Girlfriend's Stratus... People are confused when they see the sorority sticker on the back of the car.

Tuesday:

Finally get Lexus repaired, turns out a faulty battery connection shorted out battery. Battery had a warranty and was replaced for free. I wasted $317 on a not so faulty alternator. I'm still bitter about it.

Wednesday:

Have the Volvo returned to me by Dirkus after having spent a month in the shop. I am ecstatic... Today is now Sunday and the novelty of having my car back still hasn't worn off yet.